Koz and Facebook Reportedly Tussle in Domestic Dispute

Koz+Blackberry=LOVE

Ramat Ilan residents were awoken early Monday morning to police sirens blaring through the streets. While many assumed it was just another response to a benign phone call by the insane tenants of Rechavat Ilan 18 (the “if I don’t sleep you don’t live” folks) the police were in fact en route to Rechavat Ilan 20. The police were allegedly responding to a call that David Kozlovsky, more commonly known as Koz or “Pizza?” had been abused by his former lover Facebook. The emergency call came in from Koz’s roommate Joel Goldstein who had called the police in sheer panic. The 100 (Israel’s brilliant version of 911-ya because what 6 year old kid playing with a phone isn’t gonna try dialing 100 first?) audio tapes revealed that Mr. Goldstein had called the police screaming, “Facebook just barged in and began poking Koz incessantly. My roommate and I are hiding in our rooms and I can’t find my shirt anywhere!”

The dispute was reportedly over Koz’s blatant dismissal of Facebook since he has gotten a Blackberry about a month ago. Tension between the two has been mounting ever since. While it is true Koz does access Facebook every once and a while from his Blackberry, the popular social networking site does not appreciate being relegated to second place.

Koz has apparently tried to explain countless times to Facebook why Blackberry is just superior. “I can’t order Sushi from you can I?” Koz has allegedly berated Facebook with after countless hours of chugging Stella Artois and pounding homemade nachos.

Although Facebook claims that Koz is a serial-abandoner no one could verify this accusation due to their inability to remember Koz before Facebook was a part of his life.

Facebook says that he knew it was really over when Koz changed his Blackberry status to “Raindrops keep fallin on my head” Monday morning as rain hit the Holy Land for the first time this year. “I used to be the one he used to make those absolutely pointless and idiotic status updates on,” Facebook lamented, “Now this skinnier, black, I’m sorry African American, communication slut comes along and takes him away. Where is the justice? I had a movie made about me, it was kind of a big deal, what’s that cellular ho done?”

Facebook said it was really crushed by the continued building up and ultimately tearing down of hopes. “Every time Koz would run (yes he runs but its’ rare) into his room during the second quarter of a football game he was “forsure gonna watch” my heart started to race. I dared to let myself dream that he wanted to have some shady chat with a random girl from England or an inappropriate conversation with a camper but that damn Skype was his vice of choice every time.”

When asked to respond to all the damning allegations put forth against him by his jilted lover, Koz simply declined comment because he, “needed to finish the fifth season of The British Apprentice.”